Tucing Buncit Says....

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Renaissance

Hey guys! I’m back! Sorry I wasn’t able to update for the past two weeks. I’ve been away on training. And once I was back at the office, well, you guessed it - I had tons of assignments on my desk, hundreds of emails & phone messages to read, hear and respond to – all waiting impatiently for my TLC.

The training was definitely a good break away from the office, and the course modules were well prepared (though a bit outdated!). Plus, I got the chance to meet and catch up with an old friend, had lots of girly talk with her, amidst the steam bath, sauna and jacuzzi sessions :) .

Sounds perfect?

Sadly, NO.

The first day I was there, we were treated to an international buffet lunch. *There goes my diet!* There was a huge selection, and all of the items looked very yummy. I had a little of this and that. Surprisingly, I felt very full very soon and didn’t even make it to the dessert bar. *Points for me & my diet! Yay!*

But then, I felt sebu semacam. Kinda nauseous.

Right after lunch, we all started to check into the hotel. As it turns out, they didn’t receive the letter of undertaking (LOU) that my office has sent to them much earlier. WHAT? You want me to pay on my own first?? I don’t even have a credit card, and obviously, I don’t carry thousands of cash in my purse!

To make things worse, the staff who took care of my reservations back at the office was on sick leave. Great.

Desperate to get into my room, what with the heavy bags, and my stomach which started to feel very funny, I had to ask a colleague to put the charges on her credit card first. Just until they sorted the LOU out.

By this time, my stomach was feeling much worse and I was sweating heavily despite the cold air-cond in the lobby.

"Where’s the restroom?" I asked them. Went in the direction they pointed. Saw the ‘LADIES’ signed, pushed the door open and went in.

UWWWEEEEKKKKKKKK… UUWWWEEKKKKKKK… BBUUWWEEKKKKK…

I hurled. Right there and then on the restroom floor. Didn’t even make it to the toilet bowl or the sink. Stained my suede shoes and worse, my Nine West handbag. And forget my clothes, they were all done for – tudung, top, skirt, the works. Tried washing them out but to no avail.

This was some serious sticky sh*t I got all over my stuff.

Urghh.. the mess. Not to mention the *smell* - I personally succeeded in stinking up the lobby restroom of a prominent 5-star hotel, here in KL. Woo-hoo!

I had to ask one of the grossed-out bathroom patrons to get the janitor in there. I apologized to that lady and also the poor janitor over and over again. I felt so guilty and embarrassed.

Now, how to get into the elevator full of people and up to my room on the 6th floor?


Posted by ADLIZA HIZAN :: 11:54 AM :: |
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Friday, May 13, 2005

Come Meet Ms Leez Poppins!

Watched Mary Poppins a few nights ago – you know, the story about the magical nanny, who flies in the sky using nothing but her wide-open umbrella, who can enter parks through chalk paintings on the ground, and who thinks that "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" is indeed, a REAL word.

Well, if you have no idea what I’m talking about, I’ve gotta ask you this – WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN??

Anyway, to cut the story short(er), I used to watch it a lot when I was a kid. Loved it - I mean, what’s not to love? There’re mucho fantasy, magic, songs, dances, funny (or weird!) characters (esp that guy who has tea parties on the ceiling – remember him?) and love – all the ingredients you need to turn it into an all-time children’s classic.

Okay, so there I was, a naïve 8 or 9-year-old kid, who thought that Mary Poppins was the coolest character ever! I adored her, and actually thought that some of the things she did was, well, let’s just say I thought they made a whole lot of SENSE.

Particularly, the flying with the open umbrella part.

After all, the umbrella will act like a parachute, or a hot air balloon, and the wind is just what you need to give it that initial lift, right? It's SCIENCE, isn't it? Yep, definitely makes sense.

So one fine day after my afternoon kelas mengaji (Quran reading class), I decided to give it a try. It was a windy day – my baju kurung bottom was doing a mini-Marilyn Monroe act, and coincidentally, I had with me my tiny pink umbrella (with ruffles all around it). I got it from Mom just a few days before that (it was really cute, you should have seen it!). Oooh, I was like the dainty, little 'Miss Perfect Me' who cannot let the harmful sun rays hit her precious face.

My route included an area where there was a cliff (about 8 feet high), followed by a landai (gently sloping) area which ends with a parit (drain).

"Okay, here we go"

I climbed the cliff, opened the umbrella, waited for a stronger wind to come, and then I JUMPED.

Ooffphh. Buk! Dup!

Needless to say, the ‘Open Umbrella + Strong Wind’ combo did NOT give me wings. My foolproof experiment has failed. As I fell and rolled down the slope, I thought of how STUPID I’ve been. Naïveté and foolishness rolled into one.

Lucky thing I stopped rolling when I did. If not, I would have ended up in that wet drain.

So there you go - A true account of how TV can greatly influence a child’s mind. I’m living proof of a TV-itis victim.

*What’s on TV tonight, eh?*

Well, it’s the weekend, people. Happy TV-ing!

Important Notice : DON'T become a couch potato like me.


Posted by ADLIZA HIZAN :: 9:56 AM :: |
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Friday, May 06, 2005

Laughter is the Best Medicine?

Okay, okay, I've been bad. I know I promised that I would update, but what can I do? The force of work, work and MORE work kept me away! Had those assignments been interesting, I would've shared the details with you.

But they're not.

Okay, moving on. Read these, people - it's all about relationship, marriage and SEX. I just hope you'll enjoy them as much as I did! God knows I needed a laugh. *Hahahahaha!*


#1. Social Security

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.

He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."

#2. The RULES as written by Men

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, Put it down.

3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair,and by then, you are stuck with her.

4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not queststo see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you do not want to hear.

6. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.

8. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

11. You have enough clothes.

12. You have too many shoes.

13. Crying is blackmail.

14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.

15. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

16. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We are bound to miss sometimes.

18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

19. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

23. Check your oil.

24. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.

25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

26. No, it does not matter which quiz.

27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

28. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

30. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it is genetic. If we don't look at other women, how can we tell you you're pretty?

31. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.

33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

34. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

36. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.

37. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

40. If it itches, it will be scratched.

41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

42. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.

43. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

44. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will brieflyfantasize about having sex with her. But do not worry; the fantasy includes you AND her, together.

46. What the hell is a doily?


#3. Viagra Strikes Again

An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her Husband's sex drive.

'What about trying Viagra?' asks the doctor. 'Not a chance' says Mrs. Murphy. 'He won't even take an aspirin for a headache.' 'No problem,' replies the doctor. 'Drop it into his coffee,he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on.'

A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor and he inquires as to how things went.

'Oh it was terrible, just terrible doctor.' 'What happened?' asks the doctor. 'Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to make passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible.'

'What was terrible?' said the doctor, 'was the sex not good?' "Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years,but I'll never be able to show my face in McDonald's again.

#4. Touchdown!

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the old man cuts a fart and says, "Seven points." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" "Touchdown. I'm ahead 7 to nothing."

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says,"Touchdown, tie score."

After about ten minutes the old man farts again and says,"Touchdown I'm ahead 14 to 7." Now starting to get into it, the wife quickly farts again and says "Touchdown, tie score."

The old man, not to be outdone, strains really hard but to no avail. He can't fart! So, not to be outdone by his wife, he gives it everything he has, trying for one more fart. Straining real hard, the old man craps in the bed. The wife asks, "What in the world was that?"

The old man replies, "Half-time . . . switch sides."


#5. The Real

A woman and a man wanted to have a baby, so they went to the doctor to see if there was a way. When the doctor came in, he told them about a new study that transfers all the pain from the mother to the father during delivery. They both agreed to take part in the study.

Later, when the woman went into labor, her husband was hooked up to the device to transfer the pain. After it was hooked up the doctor turned on the power. The man didn't feel anything so he told the doctor to turn the power up. After the power was turned up the man still couldn't feel anything. The doctor turned it up more. The man still couldn't feel it.

Finally, the doctor turned it up the whole way. The woman delivered a beautiful baby, and neither of them felt any pain.

When they got home, the mailman was dead on the doorstep.



#6. Little Girl's First Wedding

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why's the groom wearing black?"


#7. Top Ten Things Men Know About Women...

10.

9.

8.

7.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.


#8. The Mother-In-Law Tragedy

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.

At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head no and mumble a reply.

Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. The farmer replied, "The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.'

The men would ask, 'You wanna sell that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'

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*Hohohohoho*

I'm feeling better already. Have a nice weekend, everyone!


Posted by ADLIZA HIZAN :: 12:22 PM :: |
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