Tucing Buncit Says....

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

I'm Very Sorry...

Hi all,

Hmmm... it's been a while eh?

I've been doing some thinking... I think I need to take a blogging hiatus. For how long, I can't say. I know I won't disappoint many ppl, since I don't have that many readers anyway :P

But I'm going through some personal changes and challenges in my life, and I just need to focus on those for the moment.

Change is hard, especially if it is sth that you do not welcome or want. But I believe in Allah, and I believe that He will reward those who are patient. I'm doing the best that I can, and I hope that is enough. If things turn around for me, then Alhamdulillah syukur.

But if things don't, well.. we'll see. I just hope I am strong enough and that Allah will make things better for me.

One thing I know for sure (Insya Allah), is that I am sincere in my efforts, and I am sincere with my feelings. I am not perfect, but I don't think I am a very bad person. Each day I wanna try and be a better Muslimah, and I wanna be a better person to those around me.

I may slip and make mistakes many, many times, but deep in my heart, I sincerely want to always improve myself. So if you see me faltering, pls say sth to me. Pls advice me.

I genuinely want ppl around me to be happy. I never want to hurt people on purpose. And I genuinely think ppl are good. That ppl can be trusted. That other ppl are just as sincere as me. No hidden agendas. That ppl won't take advantage of me.

But that is naive thinking. I know now that ppl are normal human beings, and just like me, are as imperfect too. Not imperfect in the same ways as I am, but imperfect nonetheless. Prone to make mistakes. The only difference lies in whether the mistakes were made intentionally or not. Either way, may Allah forgive them. And may Allah forgive me.

I don't wish for bad things to happen to the people who wronged me. I just wish they would change and make things right. I pray that Allah will show them the way. I pray that Allah will forgive them. As for me, I can only ask for the strength to always do what's right.

So to all of you, have a good life, may everything work out for you. I wish you all the best in life, and hope you can spare a second to pray for me too. I'm sorry I can't tell you what this is all about, but it's enough for me to say that I'm in a lot of anguish and pain, and Alhamdulillah, only my faith has kept me from taking the easy "way out" and doing the unthinkable (Naudzubillah).

It is an unwelcome life-changing experience, one that I wish I would never have to go through. But it is happening, right at this moment, and I have no choice but to endure it at the young age of (not yet) 26. I only hope this experience will make me a better person all-around, and I seriously, SERIOUSLY, pray that things will work out. I long for the day that things will go back to normal, and for me to put all this behind me. To start anew. To rebuild and regrow...

And as long as Allah gives me the strength and patience to hold on, I will endure this test and all that comes with it. The day that I can no longer care or have the strength, then I will stop trying. Until then, I will not give up.

May Allah help me. Aamiin.

Take care everyone. I'm sorry.

Posted by ADLIZA HIZAN :: 12:17 PM :: | ---------------oOo---------------