Tucing Buncit Says....

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

V.I.P Etiquettes 101

The credit goes to Ewok, for her fierce tirade against the ever-so-NOT-punctual Malaysians spurred me into writing this.

I was once a very active member of my high school's band. I was the trombone section leader, the treasurer, the conductor, as well as the drum majorette. It was all about the band, baby. I spoke band, slept band, ate band, walked band... I was truly the ultimate band geek and damn proud of it.

During one of the school's events, we had this very-very-VIP (won't name him, but he was in the Top 3 category person from the Ministry of Education to come and officiate the ceremony. Since he was a V-V-VIP, we (the band) were asked to perform a welcoming tune for him. Basically, as soon as he stepped out of his V-V-VIP car, I was to give the band the 'signal' with the mace (the long, heavy stick that drum majors normally carried) and they would start playing.

Half an hour before his supposed arrival, we marched onto the middle of the field and got into file. We stood there on the ground, under the hot scorching sun, full of pride and ready to impress, with me in the lead.

Half an hour passed by. No sign of him yet.
*That's fine, maybe he's slightly late. That's normal. He was, after all, a busy V-V-VIP.*

1 hour had now passed. Still no sign of him yet.
*OOooKayyy.. mana orang tua nih? We're getting tired here! And it's damn hot! Berpeluh dah ketiak aku ni...*

All this time, I repeatedly gave orders to my bandmates to go "At Ease!" and "Attention!", just to give them a chance to move around a bit.

You see, once a band marches out onto the field and goes into file, they are to stay there until they've finished the performance and only then they march back out. I think it has something to do with discipline, integrity, pride, yada, yada, yada,... but the point is, that we never march back out or go out of file before the performance was over.

If you've ever been in the band or the police/army cadets, or ever had the chance to be in a marching group, you'll know how tough it is to just stand in a file, waiting for the head's cue or order to move. But if you don't, just try to imagine this:

Each one of us had to stand perfectly still, body erected, under the full unforgiving sun, its brightness glaring in our eyes and its harmful rays penetrating through our thick cotton uniforms. We sweated buckets, and as our uniforms couldn't absorb them, the trickles of sweat from our armpits and backs emerged through the shirts, staining them in huge, smelly circles.

Not a pretty picture.

And don't forget, we had to carry our instruments. If you happened to play the piccolo or the flute, then it wasn't too bad. But you really had to sympathize with those unfortunate ones who had to carry the tuba, or the trombone, or the bass drum. I mean, those things were really heavy! And huge!

Most of us were silently fidgeting our toes inside the stiff, sticky white boots, praying that the V-V-VIP would arrive soon.

1 1/2 hours had already passed. Still no sign of him.

Thud!
Crash!

One of the saxophone players went down. She had succumbed to the dense heat and fainted face down, her (then RM 3000) instrument clattered unceremoniusly next to her. My officers & I automatically got out of file and helped her to the cooler shades. One officer stayed to attend to her while the rest returned to the formation. Not more than 10 minutes later,

Buppp!

Chinggg!

Oof!

Pang!

Boom!!

....one of the trumpetists had followed suit. Then came down our only cymbal player. Then a baritonist and a clarinetist. Then one of the snare drummers, then another player.... and another......
Almost all at once, we lost 7 - 10 of our comrades. One by one, they lost consciousness, unable to stand the heat and stress any longer.

*God, HELP US! Where the h*ll was the V-V-VIP? Batang hidung pun tak nampak lagi...?! *

He'd better show his face soon, or there would be none left standing. Not to mention the possible damages to those expensive instruments! Even I was starting to feel ill and collapse at that point.

Stupid V-V-VIP.

After about 2 HOURS PAST the supposed arrival time, the V-V-VIP's sleek black Merc. finally came into view.

Lifted my mace straight above my head, my remaining bandmates raised their instruments, I gave the cue, and they played.

And there you had it, the V-V-VIP's unfashionably late arrival was GRANDLY announced to the guests by some very loud, aggressive & disharmonious tunes - all courtesy of the now rongak marching band of TKC.

Served him right. V-V-VIP or not, your attitude sucked. And he never even said sorry.

A leader to aspire to? What do you think? I think NOT.

Disclaimer : Some (but not many) of the facts have been made-up or exaggerated. In actuality, I couldn't recall exactly who or how many had fainted, but I knew there were many - so many that it would probably be okay for me to say that we probably lost at least one player to each instrument's section. However, the part about the V-V-VIP arriving 2 hours late was, and is, TRUE. Swear to God.

Posted by ADLIZA HIZAN :: 4:51 PM :: | ---------------oOo---------------